I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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