You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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