Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
