I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
