I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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