Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
