Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
