I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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