I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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