Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
