There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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