I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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