omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
