You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
