All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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