all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just pee around me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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