Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
