I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
