why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
