It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
