you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
