i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
