I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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