I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
