can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
