he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
