I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
