using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
