what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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