Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
