fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
