I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize