theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize