Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
