The maid of honor just puked.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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