I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
