I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
