you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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