I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
