Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
