Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
