Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
