Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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