god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
