I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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