Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
