Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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