we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
