So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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