I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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