Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
