i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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