I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
