New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you would pick up someone in the library
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
