dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
