be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
