dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
