Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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