I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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