I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
