saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
