Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
