I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
