i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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