I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
