He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
