so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
