So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How external is "for external use only"?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize