God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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