There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
