before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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