i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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