Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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