he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
