I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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