erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
