singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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