morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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