come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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