btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
