im drinking this country out of the recession.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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