I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
